Important!

Looking back, there is some misinformation and one big mistake that I need to clear up:

DO NOT Self-diagnose medical problems!

 I falsely self-diagnosed my anal fissure as hemorrhoids. I needlessly suffered a great deal because of it and I probably made it worse.  Also, I wrongly attributed the cause to silly things like my bike seat while it should have been very obvious that it was caused by constipation which was in turn caused by a poor diet of dumpster-dived cakes, smoking and not drinking enough water. (facepalm)
Go see a doctor!